17) You're not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

18) God must love stupid people; He made so many.

19) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

20) Have you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

21) A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

22) Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

25) Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

26) Originality is the art of concealing your source.

27) Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

28) I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed...

29) Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

30) Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.

31) Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

32) It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and leave no doubt.

33) It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his shoes.

34) While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

35) I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness,' but it doesn't work.

36) Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

43) Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

44) Eat well, stay fit--die anyway.

45) Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

46) It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

47) My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

48) A clear conscience may be the sign of a bad memory.

49) Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

50) Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

51) "I love you" is easily spoken, but waking up an hour earlier to prepare breakfast for you is something else!

52) When you're in love, you never question the meaning of life.

53) You can live for many causes, but you can only die for one.

54) War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left!

55) I once prayed to god for a bike, but soon found out he didn't work that way... So I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness!

56) Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

57) Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay... So if you keep reading, you'll go broke!

58) Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

59) I intend to live forever, or die trying.

60) Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.

61) Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

62) Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.

63) "As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, 'Relax, you're not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients', but the another kept reminding me, 'Howard, you are a veterinarian!'"

64) Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

65) Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

66) I once thought that I had made a mistake, but I was mistaken.

67) The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

68) By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

More will be added.

- DarkAbyssXx
3:34 PM